Give Me Extra Pepperony, please
by dhauren
Summary: Tony Stark shows up at Loki's door, needing a wing man for his planned mischief. A Thor/Avengers/Iron Man one shot, set in my Blame it on the Vodka verse.


A Blame it on the Vodka one-shot

I don't own any of the characters...sigh.

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><p>Loki knew there was trouble when he opened his door to see Tony Stark. His minion's normal composure was completely missing, eyes darting nervously from side to side as he rubbed his hands together repeatedly.<p>

"What is it, minion? What have you done?"

Stark twitched violently, surprised by Loki's sudden appearance at the door. "What? What makes you think I've done something?"

"You reek of guilt and terrible nervousness. Both things tell me that you have done something that will get you into trouble with either Pepper, or Nicholas. Or both perhaps. What have you done?" Loki stepped backward, allowing the agitated billionaire to come inside.

He watched Stark pace back and forth, running his hand through his hair until it was spiky and disheveled. The man finally drew to a halt and met Loki's eyes.

"We're friends, right?"

Oh hell, it was worse than he'd thought. "Yes Tony. We are friends."

Stark exhaled forcefully. " I don't have a lot of friends, because I'm an insufferable ass most of the time. You're one of the closest friends I have. You understand mischief."

Loki had felt dread like this once before, but thankfully there were no fake severed heads in sight. "You are incapable of mischief, Stark. You always seem to skip right past it and crash into sheer chaos. What have you done?"

"Friends stand by their friends, right?"

Loki bent his head and pressed a fist to it. Whatever Stark had done, it had to be huge. The man was not normally this evasive. "Yes. What am I standing by you for, Stark? What have you done and who will be coming after you?"

The billionaire uttered an ironic bark of laughter. "It's not what you think, Loki. Well, it may partially be what you think, but not completely. Actually, it's probably not anything close to what you're thinking, but the end result will probably be the same anyhow, so what does it matter?"

Darcy sounded just like that, sometimes. Loki took a deep, settling breath. "Tell me what has happened."

"Nothing, yet. But really soon…I need you to stand with me. Like, right now."

Loki raised one eyebrow. "Am I suitably attired, or should I don my armor?"

Stark tittered nervously. "No armor. At least not yet. Can you put on a suit?"

Loki blinked. A suit? Well…okay. "All right," he agreed, changing his clothes with a thought. "Suitable?" he asked.

Stark bobbed his head, with a shaky smile. "Yeah. C'mon…I've got a car waiting."

Loki was curious now. He followed Stark out to the waiting car, being driven by a beaming Happy Hogan. The man did not normally look so happy. What was going on?

"Stark?"

The man laughed a little hysterically. "Have faith, Loki." He indicated the waiting car, with its door already open. Loki shrugged, and ducked his head to get into the car. Tony plopped down on the seat beside him. To Loki's extreme surprise, he did not pour himself a drink. The shaking hands seemed to indicate he needed one.

Happy drove them out of the city, to a small estate in the country. The house was modest, but Loki still strongly suspected that it belonged to Stark. He wasn't sure why he got that impression. Maybe it was because Tony seemed to relax a little when they drove onto the premises. Maybe because it reflected a calmer portion of the man's personality.

There was a small crowd of people gathered in a flower garden area. It seemed that all of the Avengers were there, and a number of S.H.I.E.L.D agents and support staff. There were other people there that Loki did not know. He saw Darcy standing with Jane and Thor. She gave a 'what the hell' look, and he shrugged helplessly in return as Stark led him toward the gathering. They all looked confused. What the hell was Tony up to?

Loki tried to stop to talk to Darcy, but Stark seized his arm (in something close to a death grip) and towed him toward a large tree. A very confused man, some type of official if Loki was any judge, stood there. Stark stopped just before plowing into the man, and took a few deep breaths, then turned to face those gathered.

"Hi. Um…you're probably wondering why you're here, right?" Loki had never heard Stark sound so insecure.

A murmur spread through the crowd, along with confused looks. It seemed everyone else was as confused as Loki. He caught a glimpse of Darcy, whose perfect mouth had dropped open in a sudden revelation. She understood something that seemed to be eluding everyone else.

Stark ran a hand through his hair and uttered that slightly hysterical laugh. "Yeah. I think I'm wondering the same thing. Actually, I think I might run. Loki – don't let me run, okay? You're here to back me up."

"I will prevent you from running, Tony," Loki assured, even though he had no idea what the man might be running from.

"C'mon, Stark!" someone prompted. "If you got us all together to witness your mental breakdown…"

"It might happen." Stark swallowed hard. "Shit. Okay…you're here for…damn…I can't even say it." He hung his head, body twitching like he wanted to run. "Okay, forget this. Figure it out for yourself. Pepper!"

Loki winced from the volume of the billionaire's bellow. Stark was looking expectantly, nervously, past him, toward the small crowd. When Loki turned to look, he saw Pepper Potts emerging from the house wearing a simple, yet elegant, white dress with no shoulders. There was a circlet of flowers in her hair.

The excited squeal from the onlookers had to be Darcy. She was bouncing up and down, eyes shining in excitement, both hands clapped over her mouth. It appeared that her understanding of the events was correct and she was very excited about it. In fact, all the women looked excited. By contrast, all the men looked stunned.

Loki knew he was missing something. He wasn't as 'hip' to Midgardian customs as he should be by now. He should know what was happening, but with Tony Stark, it really could be anything. It seemed vaguely familiar, like something just on the tip of his silver tongue, but he could not identify what, exactly, was going on.

Pepper joined them, quietly radiant, with a small bouquet of flowers clasped in her hands. "Very classy, Tony," she greeted softly, with an adorable smile.

He tittered again, eyes wide and darting from side to side. "I'm trying my best here, Pepper. This is brand new to me, and I'm freaking out a little bit."

She laughed quietly. "You asked me, remember?"

Stark gave a wobbly nod. "Yeah. But that was just a question. The reality is a little, no, a lot…more…real. Scary. Terrifying." He exhaled forcefully. "I screw up everything around me, Pepper. I'm really scared that I'll screw this up too."

"I know you'll do just fine, Tony."

It finally clicked in Loki's head. "You are getting married!"

"Yeah," Stark confirmed. He seemed to be calming down now. With Pepper standing at his side, watching him with adoring eyes, the terror was visibly leaving the man's body. "This was the best way. Tell no one, and just get our nearest and dearest together for a very casual gathering." He looked over to the confused official. "Hi there. Sorry about abducting you from your office, but I need to get married to this lady."

Pepper made a distressed noise. "Oh Tony…you abducted him?"

The official, a balding, slightly pudgy man with red cheeks and deep smile lines, shook his head. "Actually, he came barging in, dressed as Iron Man, and told me I was wanted for questioning in an Avengers related event. Then he grabbed me, marched me out of my office, and stuffed me into a car."

Pepper heaved a long suffering sigh. "I'm sorry. He just sort of does things like that a lot. Most people have this buffer zone between thought and action that keeps them from doing things that are…unwise. Tony doesn't have that. Thought instantly becomes action."

"And you want to marry him?"

Pepper's laugh was like wind chimes in a light breeze. "I can't do without him. I've tried. It never lasts long."

"And you, Mr. Stark? You have quite a reputation. Are you completely certain that you want to marry this woman? You want to be married? Be a husband? Forsaking all other women?"

"Without a doubt. She is my center, my grounding, my…everything." Stark somehow managed to look and sound ridiculously sappy and sincere, but it was the right thing to say. Loki thought that the warmth of Pepper's return smile could probably make the sun overhead unnecessary. It was very rewarding to see her so relaxed and happy when normally she looked worried.

"Get on with it before the media gets wind of this!" Happy Hogan suggested from the small crowd.

Both Tony and Pepper nodded, and looked at the official expectantly. The man visibly shook himself, and launched into a ceremony. He probably made it sound a little more grand than he would have for some regular joes off the street, because how often does one get to say that they officiated the marriage of Tony freaking Stark?

Loki tried not to smirk when Tony promised to love and honor Pepper, but admitted that he had trouble obeying anyone. Pepper just smiled, since she had not really promised to obey either. But then again, other than matters relating to safety, he couldn't imagine either one expecting to be obeyed.

When the official called for the rings, Stark looked at Loki expectantly. Loki stared back at him.

"The rings?" Pepper finally prompted softly, with a gentle smile.

"I do not have any rings," Loki confessed. "Am I supposed to have rings?"

"Oh crap!" Stark smacked his forehead, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, plush pillow with two rings sunk into it. He ignored the soft titter that ran through the crowd, and passed the pillow to Loki. "There…the rings!"

Feeling an amused whimsy, Loki ceremoniously dropped to one knee and held the ring pillow up toward Stark. He noticed the shaking hands when the couple slid the rings onto each other's hands, but they were doing well. He rose to his feet and stepped back away from the couple, tucking the small pillow into his own suit pocket.

The official, drawing it out for all he was worth, made a grand speech about how the couple would now become one. Loki was barely listening as he scanned the crowd. The women were watching and listening, memorizing every moment. Most of the men still looked a little stunned, as if they could not believe Tony Stark was getting married. There were betrayed expressions among the men, as if Stark were violating some unknown code of conduct, and wistful expressions, like the man in question wished it was his own wedding. On the whole, it seemed to be affecting the audience profoundly.

Finally, the official could pontificate no longer, and he declared that the man and woman before him were husband and wife. When Pepper and Tony shared a kiss, Loki thought it was Darcy who began the celebratory cry that rose from the crowd.

He knew there was a custom in marriages where the happy couple would be pelted with birdseed after the ceremony. Since this wedding had not been a planned one, no one seemed prepared, but Loki was not the God of Mischief for nothing. With barely a thought, illusionary birds swept out of the sky, tossing clawfuls of real birdseed on the couple. Pepper made no noise, but did turn to smile her thanks at Loki. She was absolutely radiant.

Stark patiently waited until the rain of birdseed ended, then brushed himself off and shook his head, sending birdseed flying everywhere. He looked…at peace. And calm. And oh shit…that grin. Stark was up to know good.

"Thank you all for being here. There's a party in the house, so let's get started. But before we do…" Stark whipped out his phone and began typing something. He showed it to Pepper and she laughed quietly, but nodded her head. With a grand flourish, Stark hit one button, and then tucked the phone back into his pocket. Then with a 'come on' gesture, he walked arm in arm with Pepper back toward the house.

Darcy waited for Loki to join her. "Did you know?" she demanded.

"Not a clue. He practically abducted me. What did he do with the phone?"

Darcy grinned maniacally. "Let loose a shitstorm. Look." She held her phone up to show Loki. It was set to Twitter, and a tweet from Tony Stark: 'Just married Pepper Potts. Have a happy day.'

Loki groaned. A shitstorm indeed. "He enjoys the drama."

"He does. C'mon…let's get to the party." Darcy linked her arm through his and pulled him along toward the house. She seemed very intent on being there for something, so Loki went with her without an argument.

At some point during the festivities, Pepper uttered a dismayed cry, staring at her own phone. When someone asked her what was wrong, she looked up with an offended expression.

"Do you know what they're calling us? Do you?"

Stark perked up with a devilish grin. "Did we get a power couple name?"

"We did."

He laughed. "Fantastic! What are we?"

Pepper lower lip jutted out. "They're calling us Pepperony."

There was dead silence for a moment and then the laughter began. Loki knew that Stark would never be allowed to forget his new couple name. Stark knew it too. He hung his head amidst the laughter, no doubt planning some kind of retaliation against the world.

Loki thought the name was hilarious.

Later in the evening, when at least half the crowd had done a good job getting completely sloshed, Pepper announced that she needed to see the unmarried women. Darcy's happy little shriek told Loki that this was what she had waited for. He watched the women gather around Pepper, who was offering a quiet explanation. Then Pepper turned her back to them and teased for a moment before tossing her flower bouquet over her shoulder.

Loki was stunned. He had seen rabid animals that were calmer than the pack of women trying to catch a simple bouquet. They pushed, they shoved, they shouted. He even thought for a second that they would all be killed, since Natasha was among them, but she only stood calmly to one side. And winked at him when she saw his mouth dropping in surprise.

The whole group of women tumbled to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs. The men all seemed to be holding their breaths awaiting the outcome. Loki did not understand this custom, but apparently, it was an important one. He shared a confused look with his brother, who stood on the other side of the snarling mass of women. Thor's eyes were wide as he watched his woman fight.

A collective sigh seemed to move through the women all at once, and all fight drained out of them. They pulled back one by one, straightening their clothes and hair. Finally it was only Darcy and Jane left facedown on the floor. An obnoxious cackle came from Stark's mouth as he grinned and winked at Loki from across the room.

Darcy hopped to her feet, and pulled Jane up as well. A murmur ran through the guests at the sight of the slightly mangled flower bouquet clutched in Jane's hands. The scientist was beaming at Thor, who just looked confused.

Darcy walked back to Loki's side. "Heh…she's tougher than she looks. I almost had it."

Loki stared down at her. "I do not know the custom."

His mortal lover winked. "Supposedly, whoever catches the bouquet will be the next to get married." She shrugged. "It's a girly girl thing, but it's like ingrained in our DNA. We have to try and hope that we're the ones who catch it."

Loki looked back up at Jane and Thor. His brother was confused as he inspected the flowers, turning them over and over, trying to understand what the fuss was about. A slow smile spread across the God of Mischief's face.

"How very interesting."

Darcy laughed. "Yeah. Care to dance?"

"Will I be given any peace until I do?"

"Probably not."

Loki pulled her close and they swayed together near Tony and Pepper. Loki caught Stark's eye and winked. Stark winked back, and pulled his bride closer, pressing his face into her hair. Tomorrow the real world would intrude again, but for now, there was a surreal peace surrounding them.

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><p>Okay…I totally dropped everything and HAD to write this when I read the name Pepperony on AO3. I hadn't seen it before, and this idea struck me like a brick. So I hope you enjoyed Tony Stark's wedding, Vodka style.<p> 


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